Fear has been weighing very heavily on my heart as of late. The job hunt here in Nashville has been everything but easy – more on that to come in a week or so. But after everything I’ve experienced so far, I finally said to my parents, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” I’m writing this post for me, these are words that I want to look back on and remind myself that tomorrow is another day. As you read this post, I hope you save it and use it for similar purposes. Today, I’m sharing with you what got me to my breaking point and how to work with your fear and insecurities to better yourself.
When I sit back and think about it, all of our insecurities steam from fear: fear of not being liked, fear of not making enough money, fear of judgment. I encourage you to take a moment right now, close your eyes and think about what makes you feel insecure. Are you doubting a business venture? Are you insecure about your appearance? What makes you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach that want to fly up your throat? (Gross, but it gets the point across.)
Once you have these things in mind, ask yourself why this makes you feel insecure. Keep asking why until you get to the emotion that’s at the root of your feelings. I’ll go first. I’m insecure about still being unemployed nearly 5 months after graduating from college. Why? Because I feel like I should’ve found a job by now, having graduated from a great institution with a Bachelor’s. Why is this bothering you? I’m afraid that I wasted my time/am still wasting my time, that I made a wrong choice in field of study/industry, that I’m going to be stuck like this. *Ding ding ding* We have our winner: fear.
(More on the blog: How to be Motivated by Pressure)
I’ve found that by calling out my emotions, essentially calling a spade a spade, I feel empowered and called to take action. Personally, I don’t like to feel afraid and by acknowledging that I am feeling afraid, I look for ways to remedy those feelings. For me, that meant getting a part-time job to make consistent money while I continue to pursue my blog and another business venture. In doing so, my fear has mostly gone because I know that I am working towards a long-term solution.
Another thing that I think is especially important whenever moving forward from fear and insecurity is grace. In times when I’m feeling most vulnerable, sometimes it feels like I can’t catch a break. I miss a blog post, I postpone errands, I eat popcorn for dinner because I can’t be bothered to cook. More so than a free pass, granting yourself grace is an opportunity to take extra care of yourself. It’s an opportunity to recognize your feelings, understand that it’s okay to have these feelings and, most importantly, to provide yourself with the space to move on from these feelings. There are many ways to incorporate self-care into your daily routine, but when I’m feeling most stressed I add a thick layer of grace onto my self-care.
(More on the blog: How to be Motivated by Pressure)
For as often as we say that people need to be nicer to one another, we also need to be nicer to ourselves. I have always found it ironic that when others are stressed, sad and/or going through something tough, we are often eager to run to their aid. However, when we experience these things ourselves, we curl up and hide from our issues, fears and insecurities in the hope that they will go away on their own. After weeks, months, years of the same run-and-hide routine, we are left feeling constantly exhausted even though it may seem like we only go about our routine and sleep the remainder of the day away. The exhaustion that often accompanies these feelings of fear will slowly and surely subside as we address our feelings, provide ourselves with grace and move forward.
At the end of the day, you are stuck with you. Treat yourself nicely. Be kind to others and yourself. Feed your soul. Grant yourself grace as things don’t go as planned. Nothing is easy. You are loved.
How do you overcome fear?
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